Jumpin' Jehosaphat! Chapter Two [Jon Phillips] [Title: ho, which, where? ] Unfortunately, the same forty soldiers who had surrounded them earlier appeared and in a short time captured the entire group. "My, my, my," said the Villain, pacing up and down in front of them. "You children never seem to give up do you." "Ththpt!" ththpt'ed Lady Mozart. "Guards," said the Villain. "Take all of them, remove all of their weapons, hairpins and such, then lock them in the dungeon, again." Some twenty minutes later... "Deja-vu," said R/C, peering through the bars. "Well, look at the bright side," said Nitro. " "What bright side?" asked Gretchen. "Oh-yeah," said Nitro, sheepishly. "Duh, hey, not talkin' in der, de boss wouldn't be likin' that," said Nunzio the guard. "Oh Yeah?" said Jon. "Yeah!" said Nunzio. "Oh Yeah?" said Jon. "Yeah!" said Nunzio. "Oh Yeah?" said Jon. "Yeah!" said Nunzio. "Oh yeah, well come in here and make me!" said Jon. "Yeah, I will!" said Nunzio, opening the door and pushing Jon by the shoulder. It wasn't a pretty fight. "Is it over?" asked Lady Mozart, with her eyes closed. "Yeah," said Jon bleeding profusely. "I tink I broke my node." "Oh did he punch you in t node, er nose?" asked R/C. "No, I hit hith head with it," replied Jon. "Oh," said R/C. "At least the doors open," said Jocko. "Anybody know the name of a good plastic surgeon?" asked Jon, holding his face tenderly as thay left the cell, with the keys, and Nunzio the guard taking a nap. [Captain R/C] [Title: Insert title Here. ] Out the door and up the stairs, eight people (or maybe it was seven...hmm) quietly made their way through the Villains dark keep. Since it was rather small, they had no trouble finding their way out... into the "Royal" Chamber. The Villain quietly looked up and Jumped back in surprise!! "What... how... er... GUARDS!!" "No, wait..." said R/C. "Fool! Don't be so arrogant!" said The Villain. Suddenly, Nunzio burst in, half-dazed. "Boss!! Da preesee...da preeson...da preeseenords..." "Get on with it!!" said the Villain. "Da....da...Prees.." "Prisoners," said Flip in a very friendly way. "Duh, Yeah! The Preeson eers have escaped! We must find them!!" "You mean us??" asked R/C. "Duh! Yeah! You! We godda find you!" said Nunzio. So the group was left confronted by the Villain and Dunce-zio..er Nunzio! [Nomad of Norad] [Title: Insert title here too! ] "RUN!" yelled Flip. They all ran, and Nunzio started to follow but slipped on the blood on the floor! He fell against the Villain and brought him down too. Our heroes all got away from them! [The Flip] [Title: Disregard that general ending up above. ] "RUN!" yelled Flip. They all ran, and Nunzio started to follow but slipped on the blood on the floor! He fell against the Villain and brought him down too. (Whoa! It's like...deja vu!) "AFTER THEM!" snarled the Villain. "I'll...duh...get the guard dogs...duh..." replied Nunzio, and he called two other guards (Doik and Marcus) to summon the dogs from the doghouse. "DUH...the dogs won't wake up, suh..." answered Marcus. "GRRRR...I guess I'll have to chase 'em myself!" yelled Villain, as he tied on his LA Gear sneakers, and began to chase the heroes (HEE HEE). "*Pant* *pant*...do you know where we're going?" asked R/C between breaths. "Hey...*wheeze*...there's a door over there!" pointed Gretchen westward. They all headed to the door, but Jon seemed very apprehensive. "Uhh, guys, I have a BAD feeling about this!" said Jon. "Aww, c'mon, WIMP!" replied Wanderer. "What could possibly go wrong when we open the door?" And as he opened the door, he yelled, "YIKES!?!" "Wh-wh-wh-wh..." stammered Jocko. "Oh my gosh! This door leads out...but the ground is 300 feet below us!" answered Wanderer. "HEHEH...I've almost got you now!" chuckled the Villain, who seemed to run faster than ever. "Hey, I didn't know they sold LA Gear sneakers out in the countryside..." pondered Flip. "Wait...aren't LA Gear sneakers for women?" asked Elmo. "Yeah...so that only means one thing..." answered JJ. "He's gay!" [Captain R/C] [Title: Disregard the general ending 2 post ago ] Seemingly at one the group turned around and ran directly at the Villain. He was knocked to the floor and his mask knocked off. The group was in so much of a hurry that they never noticed who it was. "Fools!" said the unmasked Villain, "I'll get them." The Villain walked off not realizing that his mask wasn't on. With John leading the way, they came upon a set of stairs.... one leading down into the Dungeon, the other up to a small locked room guarded by Nunzio and Doid. "Well, It looks like we know where to go from here!" said R/C. [Jocko] [Title: hthgdf.; ] "Yeah...down!" yelled Jocko who was then punched by Gretchen and karate chopped by Wanderer. The group headed up to face Nunzio and Doid... [Wanderer] [Title: ;.fdghth ] As the group approached Nunzio and Doid they could smell the scent of death hanging gloomily in the air like a very depressed trapeze artist long after the circus is over. They stepped up to Nunzio and Doid and collectively yelled at the top of their lungs (apparently the bottom of their respective lungs were all simultaneously busy doing something else which we shant get into right now because it would probably require even more parenthetical statements) very loudly "Um...er...excuse us, please." Needless to say, Nunzio and Doid were awestruck by this spectacle. For they had never thought it possible for a group of people to collectively yell at the top of their lungs (or any other region of their anatomy) very loudly "Um...er...excuse us, please," especially with a large parenthetical statement preceding it! As soon as the duo were struck by the awe, which swooped out of nowhere and right past the scent of death, the group saw it and snatched the opportunity. As they did, Gretchen slapped their hands and said, "Put that opportunity down! How do we know where its been?!" Jocko grabbed her and shook her until she came to her senses. Wanderer picked up the opportunity which had been dropped and they all proceeded quickly to the next message with-out much fuss. [Jocko] [Title: However, ] Seeing as how the opportunity had hit once when it swooped down, and a second time when they dropped it, it dissappeared shortly after Wanderer picked it up. "What happened?" asked Flip. "You dummy," retorted Jocko. "Everyone knows that opportunity doesn't like to knock twice!" Ok,Ok...if you didn't really enjoy it as much as you thought you would, you can get a complete refund of your time spent reading this post through e-mail. [The Flip] [Title: And now...back to the story -> ] "Alright..." whispered Jon. "On the count of three, we charge!" "Hey, Jon, lemme count!" said Flip. "I've been practicing!" "Oh, alright...but I wanted to do it..." answered Jon. "OK... 1... 2... uh... err..." "THREE!" screamed everybody, as they all ran up the stairs to face Nunzio and Doid. "Hey...DUH...my name ain't three," yelled Nunzio, as he and Doid were tackled by JJ and Wanderer. [The Hood] [Title: Hi guys I am back! ] That is what the HOOD (TM) screamed as he fell from the trap door above them and landed on Capt. R/C. "What is happening here?" he asked. "We don't know," everyone said. "Sorry I have been gone, I have been trying to organize an RPG on Castle Numneii," said the HOOD(TM). Doid said, "grmmph. mmrtlph," for he was underneath Wanderer. Now back to y'all. Please summarize the story for me next post. [The Flip] [Title: Editor's note: ] Welcome back Hood! [Jocko] [Title: well ] After traveling around in search of Lady Ophelia, wandering aimlessly, fighting with the Villain and his goons, and most of all wasting disk space, the group was now at the threshold of the Lady's cell. Jocko seized the chance to kick in the door, because both the guards were 'subdued'. He kicked, and with his awesome punting foot, knocked the door right off the hinges. Unfortunately, he broke several small bones in his foot in the process. "Look!" yelled R/C, "The room's empty. A primitive rope made of sheets and clothes is hanging out the window." "Oh boy!" exclaimed Wanderer. "And, from the look of it, Lady Ophelia must be almost naked, wherever she is!" Gretchen punched him in the stomach. The group looked out the window in time to see a bare butt go scurrying into the woods. [Captain R/C] [Title: bqsvdcxtyjrgmefnwh ] Just then they heard this "Ahhum!" and turned to find Nunzio and Doid sitting at the door waiting. But instead of attacking them, they just closed the door and locked our heros in the room.....and suddenly, I get a mental block and can't think of anything to write but I'll be back!!(place diaboloc laugh here!) [Captain R/C] [Title: .yfhbqvdoxilu;/tkj,rgmen p.2 ] ....i'm back.... So our heros were locked behind a heavy door in a room with one window, which currently had women's clothes hanging from it, high inside a dark keep in the middle of the forrest "Well, we could climb down..." said John. "Good idea," said the newly appeared Hood. "Count me in," said the also newly appeared Wanderer. "And don't forget me!" " " " " Nitro(ditto marks) And with that, everyone crawled out the window and down Ophelia's clothes. Unfortunately, the clothes wouldn't hold ten people so it broke at the top, and they all landed in a nice soft tree with some rather hard and sharp branches. "Ophelia! wait!" said Jon, "we've rescued your clothes!!" "Yeah! come and get 'em!" said Flip as Gretchen yelled "Shut up!" in his ear and punched him below the stomach. "Ooofff," said Flip in a high voice. "Bring them to that big bush!" said a faint voice off in the woods. (next) [Jon Phillips] [Title: Myth conceptions ] Even to the arguements of the newly returned Hood, it was decided that Gretchen should take the clothing to Lady Ophelia. Unfortunatly, owing to the fact it takes a woman between a half hour and an hour to dress, most of the guards came rushing towards our heros. "Whoops," said Jon, staring at the impending dangerous situation rushing towards them with a lot of sharp objects, not looking exactly happy. "I hope somebody has a good idea," said Flip nervously. "Fight back?" said Nitro. Everyone disagreed. "Run away?" asked John. "Not a bad idea," said Wanderer, beginning to back up. "Runaway from where Ophelia is and lead them away!" screamed Jon running towards the moat. "This isn't going to work," said R/C. (*splash*) [Jocko] [Title: where's ] Jocko in all this mess? Am I forgotten?! [Captain R/C] [Title: msg title ] (oh sorry!) The guards slowly approached as Jon was crawling out of the water, wiping his eyes and prying small fish off his toes. "Yous Guys better come along quietly!" announced Doid. "Yeah!? Make us!" said Jocko. "Duh well...uh...um...I'll tell the Villain on you!!" said Nunzio. "Ohhhh! I'm shakin' in my boots!" said R/C. "You don't have boots on!" said Flip "Yeah!" added Nunzio, "you ain't got no boots" "You don't have any boots," corrected Elmo. "BIG DIFFERENCE!" yelled one of the guards from the back of the brigade. "Sick 'em!" commanded Nunzio. "Yoo-hoo! Fellas!" yelled Ophelia as she ran off into the woods. "The Villian's pree--pre-presonords..." started Nunzio "Prisoners! You'll never learn!" said John. "Yeah! whatever! They're escaping!!" said Doid. "I know! Hey Nunzio! your shoes are untied!" said R/C. "Wha??!" "NOW!! Tackle them!" screamed R/C. Jon, John, Flip, Jocko, Elmo, Hood and everyone else jumped at the guards knocking them all down in order. Jon got up and dusted himself off and said, "Ahh! The old shoe-laces-are- untied trick!" R/C said, "No actually, it's the old shoe-laces-are-untied-and-knocked- over-like-dominoes trick! You'll find it's trick number seven in your Basic Guide to Making Suckers Out Of People." "Well, now we got to get lady Ophelia back. And besides, Gretchens with her." "Uh-oh..." said Elmo, "let's go! We got to katchup." [Jon Phillips] [Title: Personal problems... ] Ophelia dashed off into the woods, followed closely by Gretchen. Near the top of a hill, they stopped to rest. "Do you think we escaped?" asked Lady Ophelia. "Perhaps, but what about the rest," said Gretchen looking back to see if they were being followed. "We will go back to Castle Elsinore and have Hamlet assemble a garrison to help them," replied Ophelia. "Oh thaaaaa........!!" began Gretchen when tha hill began shaking violently. "Earthquake!" screamed Ophelia. "I don't think so," replied Gretchen as an enormous hand reached down to them and scooped them up. "It wasn't a hill," noticed Gretchen. "It was a giant." The giant peered into his hand and then sniffed at them. Considering how small a giants brain is compared to his body, he was rather confused as to what to do with these two small creatures that were crawling on his back, they were awful small, but they smelled good so maybe they would taste good too, the giant then decided to keep them and take them back to his lair. This entire line of thought took the giant about ten minutes. Jon panted as they ran through the forrest, then fell and did a face plant. "Who the hell would put a hole here!" screamed Jon spitting out dirt. "Um..." said Jocko. "Jon..." said Lady Mozart. "It's not a hole..." continued Wanderer. "It's a footprint," said R/C. Jon casually propped his arm under his head and looked at them. "I knew something didn't smell right, did anybody bring any odor-eaters?" asked Jon nonchalantly. [Captain R/C] [Title: a giant... ] "Let's follow the footprints..." said FLip as he followed the footprints. "Good idea," said Elmo sarcasticaly. Jon climbed out of the footprint and proceded after the rest of the group. Soon they came to where the footprints appeared to stop, and two sets of smaller prints were spotted near by by John. "Oh, NO!" said R/C, "You don't think that......OH NO! WE better get after them in a hurry!!" "Good idea," said Jon sarcasticly. [The Hood] [Title: this is the title ] I guess that was a hill giant. ooops. I am sorry about that. So..... Our heroes started running after the footprints, after watering Jon's foot plant. The foot prints were going too fast, though, so the heroes finally lost track of them. "Goody!" said Chicken....err Captain R/C, "I didn't want to meet those feet without my lysol(TM) anyways." Just then they heard a thud and saw the Giant fall out of a portable hole in the sky. "Thud!!!" said the HOOD as he was landed on by the giant. "Urggh!" said everyone as they tried to push the giant off of him. "Duh, stop that, it tickles!" said Wilbur the Giant Hill... err... hill giant. and then... [Captain R/C] [Title: ...*gasp*...AND THEN ] R/C told Hood to keep it within the standards of normalty...This Hill giant thing is a little far fetched in itself! [Jocko] What ever happened to believableness (I made that word up myself)?! This story is starting to get BBS-itis. It has been going too long. Time to bring it to a successful and happy ending. Hood, Let's make that happy, successful, and near reality! [The Flip] What Gretchen and Ophelia thought was the giant's lair actually wasn't, it was Gargamel's! "Hear, Garguhmel...hear's duh too huemuns you wanted for dat spell...so where's my reword?" blurted the giant. "HEHEHE...good job, Big Mouth...here's the food you wanted...have my cat, Azrael...HEHEHE!" answered Gargamel. "*GASP*! Big Mouth!" said Gretchen. "Who's that?" asked Ophelia. "Doncha watch the Smurfs? Big Mouth is this BAD giant who only like eating...Gargamel is this MEAN-O wizard who tries to get rid of the Smurfs, and Azrael is his cat." "I'd watch the Smurfs," said Ophelia, "but I have a kingdom to run, ya know." Meanwhile, in the forrest -- "*Pant**pant**pant*...this is getting slightly tiring..." gasped Jon, as they all continued to climb up and down the giant's footsteps. Then, out of the distance, all of them heard, "da-DA-dadada-duh-da-duhduhda-da..." "Hm. I wonder who's doing that singing..." said Flip. "Hey...look at all those blue ants on the ground!" exclaimed Jocko. "Those aren't ants," said R/C, "those are..." "SMURFS!" yelled Wanderer. "Hey...I wanted to say that!" answered R/C. [Captain R/C] [Title: oh! hey! this is reality!!(sarcasm) ] What R/C thought was smurfs turned out to be little blue ants. Near by, was a tape recorder playing, "Cartoon's Greatest Hits V.1" "Ha!" said John, "Some little pranxter!!" After about five more footsteps, someone had the brilliant idea to just walk beside the footsteps instead of over them. So, as life suddenly became easier for everyone, they came to a clearing in the forrest. Up on top of the hill was the old shack. Suddenly, the laugh "ehehehohahahaa" (Gargamel's laugh) broke the silence of the morning. The group moved in closer when a big crash was heard and the sound of running feet on old wood. Gargamel was shouting "Big Mouth! You fool!! Stop them." "The door flew open and Gretchen and Ophelia came running out of the old shack. Big Mouth tripped over a tree and landed on Gargamel's house. Too bad Gargammel was still in it, though. "RUN!!" screamed Ophelia. "WE gotta get back to my castle before the Villain (remember the Villain?? He's in the story too. The Antagonist) does! He'll take over the castle!! *pant*" [The Flip] [Title: Sorry about the lack of reality, R/C... ] ...just couldn't think of anything else to type... (And I STILL can't!) [Captain R/C] [Title: it's ok. ] [The Flip] [Title: C'mon, R/C, make your chess move! ] [Captain R/C] [Title: ok, here I go.. ] [Jon Phillips] [Title: QUIT IT!!! ] Night fell rapidly as they trudged through the forrest, all of the group now far too tired to run. "How much further?" asked Jon. "Two more hills, one meadow, and another forrest still to go," replied Jon. The dripping sound of water echoed through out the cavenous room, here, in Elsinore's dungeon, seldomly used if at all, the Villain leered at Prince Hamlet. "I still have you, my little fool, and enough guards to ensure that no one ever makes it into this dungeon again," said the Villain, pleased with himself. "Mmmphf," said Hamlet from beneath the gag. The Villain laughed at Prince Hamlet and proceeded to the throne room where he sat and called for his guards. Nunzio soon came running. "Nunzio, you stupid litle twit," said the Villain. "Yes master?" replied Nunzio. "Send for an assassin." "Why master? "Because," said the Villain coolly. "I am going to insure that those fools never interfere with me again." A dark cloud hung low over Castle Elsinore, the people dispondent and unhappy, and sorrow filled the walls. [Captain R/C] [Title: .... ] (this sounds like the theme to Ultima V) (except the guards are stupider in this) Prince Hamlet was struggling free of his gag. Nunzio came down stairs at the very second Hamlet got his gag of and started yelling. Nunzio quickly replaced the gag but quickly left as a rat scurried across the floor. "EEK!" yelled Nunzio, "I hate rats!!" Nunzio was out of site when Elves came out of the shadows. "Prince Hamlet! I have come... there is great danger about!" said Elves. When that gag was off, Hamlet whispered, "I don't believe I have seen you before... what is thy name?" "Elves, sir. I work at the battlements. Quickly, the Villain has been seated on Ophelia's rightful throne." Back in the throneroom.... "Nunzio! NUNZIO!!" yelled the Villain. "duh... what!" replied Nunzio. "Yes sir! ALWAY YES SIR!! Where's my assassin?" "Uhhh... hmm... I.. er... haven't got one yet!" "You stupid fool! Go get Doid!" Back in the forrest.... "Come, annon. I fear the worst of Hamlet," said Ophelia. Jon replied, "we're on our way... that Villain has really stepped in it this time!" "Let's behead him!!" yelled Flip as his pace quickened... "NO!! He's a person too! Let's just tar and feather him!!" said Ophelia with a strange look in her eye. "Wait.. I hear something..." said R/C, "footsteps... two of them... Hark! Who goes!" "It is I, Prince Hamlet! and my new friend, Elves of the Battlements!" (by the way, Jon, there's a story board on TSX-Games&Text) [The Hood] [Title: was that elves.... ] ...as in people with pointed ears or in Elvis???? I think Elvis would do good to be seen in this story.... he is still alive you know..... [Wanderer] [Title: the return of elves ] Wanderer asked rather naively "Elves, are you the Elvis of legend?" In response to this, Elves grabbed a microphone and broke into a few verses of "Heartbreak Hotel." Everybody looked at Elves. Everybody looked at everybody else. Prince hamlet told Elves to shut up. Elves explained his identity by saying "Yes, i am the Elvis of American lore. I have changed my name completely in order to keep my identity secret. How did you guess who I am?" Jocko pointed at the newcomers feet and said, "The blue suede shoes were the first clue." Jon said, "The guitar was sort of a hint too." "Well, since you guessed my name, I shall grant you three wishes," replied Elves. "I'll take a green Lamborghini!" yelled Jocko. "I think he means song requests," the prince interjected. "No. The aliens who kidnapped my brain gave me magical powers in its stead," Elves stated confidently. "Well, what should we ask for?" [Jocko] [Title: mmmm ] "I know," stated Jocko, "Why don't we wish we had Lady Ophelia back and wish that we were back at Elsinore, and still have a wish left over." [Wanderer] [Title: great ] "do it!!!!!" yelled wanderer "its the best idea anyone has had for quite a while, but maybe there is a rule against that kind of wish?? i hope not." [Captain R/C] [Title: so much for reality! ] (how come everytime Hood calls, everything goes to Never*Never*Land(the one in the fairy tales! Not Tink*'s) (a GREEN Lamborghini?? Why don't you just get BLACK ice cream?!!!) (whooa! what do you think this guy wears to school? You are about as un-color-co-ordinated as a clown!) "I wish for five more wishes!!" asked R/C who points out that Ophelia is already with the group, "Oh, I knew it was you by your hair and shiny jacket." [Nomad of Norad] [Title: Msg title ] Wanderer picked himself up off the floor. "OoooOOooOhhhhhh... wha' happened...?" "You seemed to have fallen asleep. We're all tired, perhaps we should rest a moment," said Joan. "We'd best find a place to hide, lest the Villain find us." "I had this strange dream that Elves here was really Elvis, alive like it says in the tabloids, you know?" "Eh?" said Elves. "Who is this Elvis guy?" "He does... er, did a form of music called Rock and Roll," said R/C. "Yeah, and you know the wierd part of the dream was he was offering to give us three wishes, just because we guessed who he was!" "Wierd dream," said Elves. "Say Elves," began Flip, "how did you get that name?" "Oh, my mother liked fairy tales, I guess, and named me after the little guys with pointed ears. I don't really know, but alot of people ask anyway." [Jon Phillips] [Title: Is the grass greener? ] The Villain retired from the throne room to his study, all of his wild mad dreams had come true, he now had Elsinore in his control, and soon the group of traveling morons would be dead. The assassins he had hired earlier seemed much more professional the any of his guards, especially Nunzio or Guido. At last he could relax. The assassins, three of them, crept through the forrest towards the location of the group, which was easily assertained by the loud bickering that could be heard. "Whats Rocking roll?" asked Elves. "No, Rock 'n roll," responded Hood. "It's a form of loud music," finished R/C. "Oh," said Elves falling flat on his face. "Whats wrong with him?" asked Lady Mozart. "Oh theres an arrow sticking out of his back," said Wanderer, the fact of Elves death not quite sinking through yet. "Arrow?" asked Jon, taking interest. Another arrow whizzed by, nicking R/C's leg. "Take cover!" cried Jon, diving for a bush. Unfortunatly this is the hard way to learn what poison ivy looks like. [Captain R/C] [Title: what msg title:? ] "Hold it! Time out!! Anyone realize that we are talking about Rock-n-Roll while someone from a castle is shooting arrows at us?? Kinda outta-time-outta- place, don't you think so??" asked R/C. "Fine, we'll stick to the arrows!!" yelled an assassin as he wizzed an arrow toward John. "Duck John!!" yelled Jon. The arrow dug deep into a tree where seconds before rested John's head. "Whooa! Thanks Jon! I owe you one! R/C, Throw me that rock!!" As R/C picked up the rock, one of the assasins yelled, "Wait, R/C, Jo...are you the group who are rumored to be saving the land from some guy named the Villain??" "Uh... yeah, why?" said Oph. "We will let you go.... Say, can you introduce your party to us?" "Sure," said John, "I am John Phillips, This is John Johnson, over there is Gretchen and Lady Mozart (who probably stopped posting). This here is Flip and R/C. Flip, hold up your hand. And here, we have the Hood and Queen Ophelia..." With that, the three assassins dropped to the ground and said, "Ah, tis an honor to drop to the dirt in front of thee. We are sorry for scaring you but some guy at Elsinore requested that we hunt and kill a group of people coming to attack Elsinore... We thought it was Hamlet, but I see he is here too. You failed to mention his name." "My name is Elves. I am in charge of the battlemants." "Elvis?? OH yes! I should have known by the blue suede shoes..." "NO, No, no! EELLVVEESS E-L-V-E-S Elves..." "Oh." "We have got to hurry before the Villain really messes things up at Elsinore," pleaded Ophelia. "By the way, we are from ACP," said one of the assassins. (Someone name them). [Number Twenty Four][Title: Meanwhile, back in the Library... ] ...a tall figure was leafing through the scrolls contained therein. The Old Man (plebes note the Caps, eh?) walked up behind him, and said, "I'll tell ya, it's not like the old days, the running gags, the bad puns, Roger spouting nonsense all over the place...." The tall chap looked startled and reached for his hip, an old reaction, back in the days of specific death threats and a bad marriage. The 9mm Smith was no longer on his belt. It hadn't been there in a long time, but old habits die hard. He looked closely at the Old Man. "Things really have changed, but some things are constant. You're still a crochety old fart," Number 24 said. "Yeah, uhh, but you're pretty much a bowl of larks vomit yourself. Where have you been keeping yourself lately?" Number 24 shrugged. "Keeping busy," he said, non-commitally. "You pissed a buncha folks off, y'know?" said the Old Man, raising an eyebrow and attempting to push a guilt trip onto 24. "How's that?" said #24, innocently. "It has been said you suffer the `Piers Anthony` syndrome." "Huh?" said 24 articulately. "You never finish a friggin' story, just like Anthony!" the Old Man screamed. "Oh," 24 said lamely, as if he hadn't already been told this several times. Number 24 looked over the scrolls pigeonholed in the library. "Y'know, this is some really pitiful stuff. What happened to all the REAL writers? Sam and Dagny, and Watson, and Artful Artslaw?" 24 asked. "Oh I see, you think you're too good for us now. These are better writers than you are. At least they log on occasionally. When was the last time you logged on and added to the pile?" said the Old Man with a world class sneer. Number 24 mumbled something un-intelligeble. "...So, until I see your stuff posted with a little regularity, quit putting down the CONSISTANT writers," the Old Man finished. "It wasn't a put down, just a commentary on the....oh, I don't know...I guess the files are missing a certain je nais ce' quois," 24 said. "Right. Sure. I'm sure they all understood that," the Old Man huffed. "My point exactly," 24 responded. "Look, they need help, guidance, an example...." "A lobotomy. No argument. I think a little forethought would help. And perhaps a little attention to detail. Upper and lower case, for example." Number 24 and the Old Man glared at each other for another moment. The Old Man looked sidelong at 24, "How 'bout a Root Beer down it the Cafeteria?" he smiled. "It depends," 24 said with a grin. "Are you going to put a handful of broken glass and fish hooks in mine again?" "Do you think I'd pass up a chance?" he said as they left the Library. [Number Twenty Four][Title: Just out of curiousity... ] ....has anyone seen or heard from the CTBVOBBSAOEMTAFBLK lately? [The Flip] [Title: Uhh, yeah... ] ...he stopped by my house recently...trying to sell some encyclopedias and perfume... [Captain R/C] [Title: well... ] who or what is that????? [Jocko] [Title: yeah ] As 24 and The Old Man were on their way to get their rootbeers, Jocko strolled up beside them. He said, "You know, I was just in the Library reading your last post, and I have to agree. For a while there it was looking good, but there are about two or three people that post and unconsciously just don't include people. They tend to make themselves the stars and don't even write too well. I guess all story boards end up like this. It just too bad." "Hey, you sound like my kinda guy, Jocko," said 24. So, they all walked off to get a drink. [Number Twenty Four][Title: ...you don't know the CTBVOBBSAOEMTAFBLK? ] Jocko, Number 24, and the Old Man sat at a corner booth in the cafeteria. Number 24 was staring idly into the sediment in the bottom of his mug. The Old Man said, "What's happened to you, 24? You used to have a Joie de Vivre... now look at ya. I bet it'd take a rape and a mugging to get a glint back in your eye." Jocko eyed the pair suspiciously. He didn't remember these two characters, and now he really didn't know if he wanted to be involved. Number 24 took a long pull of cold root beer and cleared his throat. "AHEM," he ahemed. "Yes?" the Old Man and Jocko said expectantly. "Oh nothing... just clearing my throat," 24 said. As a heavy cloud of boredom settled around the corner of the cafeteria, a fresh breeze blew in. The diminutive sprite that accompanied it came to the table and helped herself to an empty seat. Jocko threw himself prone on the grimy floor of the dining area, and the Old Man inclined his shiny pate in reverence. "And a good day to you, Boss Lady," the Old Man said to Shamrock. Number 24 tipped an imaginary hat to Her Highness. (Authors Note: In fairness to their respective height, perhaps Number 24 should address her as "Her Shortness". Hmmm. Perhaps not.) (Your serve, Jocko.) [Jon Phillips] [Title: Now does everyone feel like pig-slop? ] "Number Twenty Four?" questioned Jon looking back towards Castle Hex. "Who?" asked someone. "Somebody I haven't seen poking around in centuries," replied Jon. "What about the story?" asked Gretchen. "Oh well it seems to have been destroyed," said R/C. "Can they do that?" asked Lady Mozart. "Looks like they already have," sighed Jon. [Captain R/C] [Title: oh well... ] Anyone have a new idea?? [Captain R/C] [Title: last thing! ] Suddenly, Ophelia burst into anger as she took off and ran to her castle! Everyone followed but she was too fast. By the time they got to the castle and climbed up to the point where they heard a *thud*, Ophelia had already Crowned the Villain, and I don't mean with a crown. Jon rushed to take the Villain's pulse but he was dead. Ophelia dusted herself off and looked at her hand. "Ohhh... I broke a nail... rats!" The Villain never recieved a decent burial, since no-one wanted to bury him. Instead, they just threw him in the moat and life in Elsinore continued as normal, except the party were all treated as royalty from then on... (camera pans away from castle Elsinore and to the moat where bubbles rose from the point where the Villain was thrown...the screen fades to black as two famous last words came up:) [][][][][] [][][][][] [] [] [] [][][][] [] [] []he [][][][][]nd. "That was exciting..." said R/C to his friends as they exited the theater. They were blinded as they walked outside. "When's the bus coming??" asked Hood intelegently. "Here it comes now!" noted John. They all boarded the bus and all dropped their hard(ly)-earned money onto the slot, all, that is, except for the Hood who borrowed it from Mozzy with a 'promise' to pay her back. It was at this point that the group noticed the bus driver who looked familiar and had on L.A. Gear shoes. "Could it be?" asked R/C as they all took their seats. "Naa!" they all concluded. *sniff*