"A Kreep in Oz" Circa 1985 Part Two "What a Revoltin' Development" [SYNCOPATED PANDEMONIUM] [Title:MORE LADY C.] The Lady smiled. "Prince, eh? I suspected as much. I want him." Herbie took a look at Boffil and wondered briefly if there was any point to arguing with her. He decided to risk it. "Listen, he may look like he's flipped over you, but it's all really an act. If you saw the Lady Pudsnocker, all of we friends of hers call her Pud for short, anyway, if you were to see her, you'd pass out from the sheer majesty of her beauty." The Lady did not look amused. "Bull," she said, then motioned to her Kids. "Take him to my chambers." Herbie stood helplessly by as they dragged Boffil off, Snotblade moaning quietly at his side... Will Boffil escape with his virginity? Will the Lady Cyphilus? Is she even familiar with the concept? Do you really care? Do you think I believe that? You do? Should I quit while I'm ahead? [(R.C.)] [Title:WHATTA REVOLTIN' DEV.] When the other companions were escorted into the Forbidden Cave, the unnamed young man hung back, not being one to enter into other BBS's without asking the sysop's okay. He followed a game trail through the woods until he came to the control tower where Black Bart watched over the realm of the Forbidden Cave; but for some reason it was strangely deserted. "What..?" muttered the young man as he sat down against a tree. "Cyphilis took over the rule of the Cave," said Mike Kendrick who had followed him to the tower. "And I, being no dummy (have you SEEN her??) graciously consented to show her the ropes of the place. Although, now that the ..er..novelty of first meeting her has worn off, I do rather miss Bart..." -----Meanwhile----- Herbie, seeing that Boffil would be incapacitated for quite some time (and probably useless, too) decided rather reluctantly that he would have to come up with some sort of plan... [MOMMY'S LITTLE MONSTER] [Title:HE PLANS...] His plan, cleverly enough, was to follow the Kids. However, that would be a bit difficult, he realized, as he was still surrounded by ten Cabbage Patch Archers, and the Lady Cyphilus still sat on her throne. The Lady spoke. "Thou art curiously unaffected by my presence." "Very observant," muttered Herbie dryly, deep in thought. "Are rabbits not inclined to pleasures of the flesh?" Herbie looked up sharply. "Are you crazy? Of course we are! Just...not your flesh." The Lady looked down, troubled. "Then what would interest thee? 'Twas always my assumption that rabbits and men were affected in a like manner. After all, the saying does end with the words '--like rabbits', when referring to human carnal relationships." Herbie grinned. She was actually upset that she failed to turn him on, him, a rabbit. He decided upon a new tactic. "Well, m'Lady, to tell you the truth, you do rather interest me. However, we rabbits have more self-control than people." She sat back, looking more satisfied. "'Tis as I thought. Wouldst thee, perhaps, deign to join us?" Herbie saw his chance. "Would I ever!" he exclaimed. The Lady's expression remained unchanged, however, Herbie disinterestedly noted that there were at least two other ways to tell just how pleased she'd suddenly become. She motioned to her Kids, and they poked and prodded Herbie off to the Lady's chambers... Syncopated Little Monster [SYNCOPATED PANDEMONIUM] [Title:ESCAPE] Herbie stepped into a huge room, in the center of which was a large bed covered with various furs and sheets of silk. Boffil lay in the very center of this bed, his clothes in a careless pile on a nearby chair, Snotblade resting on top. The Archers who had accompanied Herbie into the chambers motioned to the bed, then scurried off. From an opening on the other side of the room came the Lady Cyphilus, clothed, or rather, unclothed, as before. She sat on the bed and gestured to Herbie. "Come to me, rabbit." The sentence sounded so terribly ludicrous that Herbie had a rather hard time not falling on the floor and rolling with laughter. Instead, he walked slowly towards the bed and sat down opposite the Lady C. "Er, so, uh, howza weather been?" he mumbled nervously. The Lady looked amused. "So much for thine superior control, rabbit," she said as she began to crawl across the bed. Seeing that Boffil wasn't in the slightest bit ready to leave, Herbie had nearly resigned himself to the Lady C. until a better chance to escape showed up, when suddenly there was a yapping from the foot of the bed, stopping the Lady in mid-crawl. Up onto the bed jumped a small white poodle. The Lady yelled at the dog. "Kipi! Down, Kipi!" Obviously, a dog on a bed meant much more to the Lady C. than it would to anyone else. As she occupied herself with removing Kipi from the chambers, who was now barking and yipping quite loudly, and dragging various bedclothes about the chamber, and leading the Lady Cyphilus on a merry chase about the room, Herbie threw Boffil over his shoulder, grabbed Boffil's clothes and sword, and exited through the doorway that the Lady C. had entered by earlier... Mommy's Little Pandemonium [MOMMY'S LITTLE MONSTER] [Title:PREPPIE PREPARATIONS] Herbie ran down a maze of twisting passages, quickly losing track of time. Just as he was about to stop and rest (after all, carrying a limp human body and all of the clothes and weaponry that go with it isn't exactly the most enjoyable tasks), Herbie noticed light shining at the end of the hall. After the pitch black of the halls, it seemed inordinately bright, but Herbie continued on, and soon found himself standing in a small forest on a hill. He placed Boffil on the grass just as he was coming to. "Oooh, my head," Boffil said quietly, placing his hand on his forehead. "We're out," said the rabbit, exhausted. "Yeah," said Boffil, almost inaudiably, causing Herbie to briefly wonder if Boffil resented being 'saved' so soon. He was still wondering as he drifted off into sleep at the base of a large tree. Muffy stood on the back of his Porschebeast, shouting in a not-so-very impressive voice. "I am absolutely APPALLED at your performance. A bunch of people, all lower-middle-class at BEST, and you get practically every one of yourselves killed." The group of Preppies all muttered to themselves various excuses as Muffy paused, motioning to Buffy, who presented him with a chart. "You will all be provided with a copy of this chart. It's a map of the layout of the surrounding territory--" "--and an absolutely DAZZALING map at that--" came a voice from the crowd. "...yes, I KNOW. And to think I found it at Ivey's for a MERE $49.95, inCREDible!" said Muffy, putting his hand to his cheek. "At any rate, Skip will divide you into groups of five and we'll all cover the area. If you find that...that HORRIBLE man with his DISGUSTING sword, you're to report back to me POST haste. Skip..." Skip began dividing the Preppies into groups of five and assigning them certain areas to check, while, unbeknownst to the Preppies, not more than two miles away Boffil was exiting an underground passage on Herbie's back... Mommy's Monstrous Syncopation [MOMMY'S LITTLE MONSTER] [Title:A NEW MESSAGE?!?!] The Preppy stepped into the clearing and looked closely at the two sleeping figures. Glancing at the sheathed sword, he was suddendly certain these were the ones he was searching for. He turned and headed back for Skip and Muffy... Herbie opened his eyes lazily and stared up into the sky. Boffil snored quietly beside him, his sword gurgling contendedly on the ground nearby. After a few minutes, Boffil, too, awoke and sat upright. Yawning, he asked, "Herbie, what's goin' on?" Herbie, nibbling on a blade of grass, mumbled, "Nothing much. And it's about time, too." He not-too-fondly recalled some of the more recent encounters, such as the repulsive Nabooti Belch Demons and, even worse, the sickening and outright gross Preppy masses. Just as Boffil was getting to his feet, planning on heading for a nearby bush (possibly the first story on any BBS where the characters actually need to do this...although they've yet to eat, drink, or sleep for any reasonable amount of time...oh well), he heard a bone chilling shout, all too familiar..."IZOD!!!!!" Boffil fell to the ground, screaming. "My GOD! NO! Don't let them get me! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!" Herbie jumped to his feet screaming various things in various languages. "Noob krrop book floob!" And other such choice phrases. The Preppies surrounded the two, holding their putters above their heads menacingly. Buffy stepped forward a bit and pointed to Boffil, still cowering on the ground. "YOU there. Yes, you. Please, DO get up." Shaking, Boffil pulled himself to his feet. "Wh-wh-what are y-you going to do to m-me?" Buffy reached for Boffil. Boffil jumped back, screaming. "NO! Don't!" Buffy withdrew his hand, absentmindedly flicking a bit of lint from the sleeve. "Absolutely DISGUSTING people," Buffy muttered to Muffy and Skip. He then turned back to the pair. "You two will have to CUT this absolutely CHILDish behavior out." Boffil only began to yell louder. Herbie was now squirming on the ground yelling, "Noooo! Preppies! Helllppp meeeeee!" over and over. By now, even the sword was beginning to gurgle and burble in agony and terrorized anticipation of the touch of the....the....Preppies! Meanwhile, unseen, a roving band of Munchkin Warriors making a daily Good Deed Doing Foray into the Computer Moron Land from the Emerald City gathered behind a tree, watching the Preppies and the two adventurers, and preparing themselves for a horrible battle... Mommy's Little Monster [GONAN THE BARBER] [Title:FOOD FIGHT!] "Hmmmmmmm, Preppies......" Mumbled Gonan the Barber, The leader of the munchkins. "I do believe I know exactly how to deal with them. -- Gather around men and lets discuss our battle plan!" And all the munchkins gathered around in a circle very much like, but yet quite different from, a football huddle. The reason it was quite different is that a football huddle has a circle of big mean black dudes about 7'-6" and 250 pounds each. This circle was of little mean green dudes about 2'-10" and 75 pounds each. "......So you all know what is involved, and you are willing to make the sacrifice?" asked Gonan. "Oh yes, Yes! YES!" they all replied excitedly, caught up in the fervor of an upcoming battle and thinking of how great it will be to get revenge on the Preppies. "Ok then, we'll sneak up on em, and then when I give the word, ATTACK!!!" said Gonan. Meanwhile, a few hundred yards away, the Preppies continued to hassle Herbie and Boffil. "Do you know what we are going to do to you?" said Buffy. "Put us on the Stretching Rack?" Inquired Herbie fearfully. "Shove bamboo shoots under our fingernails?" asked Boffil trembling. "Oh no, nothing like that!" said Buffy, "We are going to give you a bath!" "A BUBBLE Bath!!" piped Skip. "AAIIIGGHHH!" screamed Herbie and Boffil. "And then, we are going to take you shopping for new clothes!" cood Buffy. "At May Cohens!" Added a preppie from the back. "No, Iveys!" argued another. "We'll take 'em to both! And then to Grande Boulevard!" added Muffy "AAAAAIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Screamed Herbie and Boffil. "And then..." Added Buffy, pausing to grin menacingly "...We are going to take you to a hair stylist!!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Herbie and Boffil again just before passing out. And with this, Gonan the Barber turned to face his troops and yelled: " F O O D F I G H T ! " And the munchkins immediatly started pelting the Preppies with the contents of their lunch bags! "Oh yucko! You've got tomatos on my Calvin Kline Jeans!" yelled one Preppie. "Oh Gross out totally, Mustard on my Christian Dior shirt!" yelled another. "No, don't get anything on my Gloria Vanderbuilts!" screamed a Preppie running in terror. 'Splat' went a deviled egg. "Here, have some chocolate!" said Gonan. "Its good for your complexion!" he stated while pouring M & M's in Buffy's mouth. "It'll give you lots of Zits!" he added reflectively. And thus did the munckins rescue Herbie and Boffil and Snotblade from being converted by the Preppies. Herbie and Boffil awoke to see the left over mess of the battle: A fancy feathered hat with Coke-a-Cola poured all over it. A jogging shoe with a twinkie in it. A broken pair of sunglasses. "Who are you? What happened? What time is it? What color is an Artichoke?" stammered Boffil. "I am the Mighty Gonan the Barber, the leader of the rebel munchkin battle troop. We were roaming around bored this morning, looking for a good deed to do, when we came across you being assaulted by Preppies, and we decided to rescue you. We attacked them by smearing food all over their clothes. The time is 11:42 and I believe Artichokes are green." "Say, you wouldn't happen to have any food left over?" asked Herbie, rubbing his belly. "I'm starved!" [ANOTHER BRICK] [Title:FOOD!] And so, rescued from the Preppies, Boffil and Herbie munched with the munchkins on the unused ammunition. "What sorts of good deeds do you do?" asked Boffil conversationally. "Oh, we go out into the lands where the people don't know anything about computers, and..." he paused to stuff the rest of a peanut-butter and pickle sandwich into his mouth..."and we do good deeds for 'em," he finished. At the sight of the sandwich, Boffil blanched noticably. Gonan stopped chewing. "I know, I know...so our food's a little...unappetizing to you. Everybody's a critic." Another munchkin waddled over. "Yeah. Besides, why else would we be olive green?" Herbie, who'd decided to stick to munching grass, wandered over. "So, I hear you're from the Emerald City." "Yeah," said Gonan, unwrapping a sardine and banana sandwich, topped with little anchovie heads. "Oz likes to keep his people busy. Says as long as we're being paid, we may as well work for it. And all he does all day is sit around and listen to Relics and make money. Literally." Herbie took all of this in, trying to keep his recent meal down at the sight of a living creature eating the sandwich the muchkin had just unwrapped. Boffil, preparing himself to open his mouth (no telling what would come out, after seeing those little fish looking up at him innocently), asked, "Any chance you can take us back with you to see him?" The munchkin looked up sharply, a small scaly fin falling out of his mouth to the ground. "You...you want to see...The Wizard?! You?? That could prove difficult, to say the least..." anotheR bricK